Friday, August 12, 2011

I Stand Autocorrwcted (or, Bye Bye Blackberry!)

I do a lot of writing on my phone, so when I finally traded my gusty old Vlackberry foe an iPhone earlier this year, I was worded about how the loss of the phasic keyboard might affect my productivity. A friend put my mind a ease by explaining that, yes, you'll prbababy male more mistakes typing on a touchscreen phone, but the key is to just keep moving and Lerner the iPhone's autocorrect system clean up the mess behind you.

And giddamnjt, he was right—it's amazing how well it works! For example, in tha last sentence, I originally typed "amazng," but autocorrect jumped in and fixed it for me. And then—this is my favorite part—when I backspaced toward the corrected word, the system politely offered my orioknal spelling back to me as if to say, "Oh I'm sorry, would you prefer to look like an idiot? Please, be my guest..."

(Note: In my head, autocorrect speaks in the voice of Academy Award winning actress Emma Thompson. The voices in your head may vary.)

Of course there are times when autocorrext can Ben too aggressive, like someone trying to foodie your sentences but always guessing wrong. This came up recently when my wife and I visited a tapas restaurant and I tried to use my phone to make analyst of the dishes we were ordering. The names were in Spanish, but autocorrect fixed that for us, magically transforming our "Queso de Cabra Montanes" into "Wheel de Caber Monotones." (Alas, monotones were out of season so we had the Armadillos de Pollo instead.)

Most of thr time autocorrect works flawlessly though—so well in fact that i'm becming a sloppier and more imparient typist. Ive gotten so reliant on autocorrext's omniscience that I find myself becoming enraged when it fails to recognize some glob of gibberish I've typed. What?!?! You seriously cant see that "fefiningely" is supposed to be definitely!?!? Are you ducking stipple? Give me a rickety break!

But all in all, I've been delights with my switch to the iPhone. Sure, I might inadvertently ask a friend if they're "untreated" when I mean "interested," or tell them that "I undress" when I mean to say that "I understand," but thabksukky, I havent done both in thr same message yet. And even if I lose a few extra minutes at the supermarket hunting for "Chicano" yogurt instead of "Chobani," I still come out way ahead when you add up all of the frixkignn hours I wasted with my old Blackberry unsuccessfully trying to visit websites or use Facebook or listen to music or rake a decent photograph or, say, accidentally driving to New Jersey.

And really, who needs to write when I can play Angry Nirds whenever I want?

sent from my iPhone

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Arriving Soon: Your Man in Istanbul!

(original photo by dmboyer)

When I got the first e-mail from Istanbul, I assumed it was a mistake.

Call it a case of self-publisher's self-doubt, but I had trouble wrapping my brain around the idea that, after seventeen years of rejection in my own country, an editor on the other side of the world wanted to translate my novel into Turkish.  

He probably meant to e-mail some other author, I thought.

So I reread the e-mail another 15-20 times.
It's probably just a hoax, I told myself. Maybe all of those Nigerian princes have started masquerading as Turkish publishers?

So I checked the publisher's website.
Wow...that's a really convincing website for a hoax. Beautiful, even. Of course I don't understand any of the Turkish, but...

So I checked with my friend Steven Savile, a British author who lives in Sweden. Steve has been published all over the world, and I figured this would give him a laugh.
His verdict: Looks genuine to me, mate. (Unrelated confession: I love it when Steve calls me "mate.")

And I think that's when it finally started to sink in:  
Holy crap. They really want to publish my book in Turkey.

That was three months ago, and while I still haven't been able to rule out the possibility that I'm actually in a coma having an incredibly long and intricate dream, I'm just gonna go with it.

So here it is:
I'm excited to announce that Arunas Publishing in Istanbul will release a Turkish edition of Here Comes Your Man this November!


Several people have already asked if I'll be embarking on a Turkish book tour, and I think the answer to that question really depends on whether any of this is actually happening in the first place. I promise you this much though: if this is all just a crazy coma-dream, then I’ll definitely be touring Turkey this fall, accompanied by Oprah, Lady Gaga, and Lord Voldemort. Oh, and I'll be naked too. (So let's all keep our fingers crossed for that possibility, shall we?)

So anyway...what does this mean for you, my English-speaking blog visitors? The way I see it, you've got two choices:
  1. Take a leave of absence from work and/or your family and enter a full-time language immersion program so you can read the Turkish translation of Here Comes Your Man when it lands this fall.
  2. Buy a copy of the English e-book of Here Comes Your Man for 99 cents today.
It's totally up to you—I will support you 100%, whichever path you choose. But on the off-chance that you opt for #2, I've prepared a handy collection of buying links below.

For a limited time, you can download the original, untranslated, English e-book of Here Comes Your Man to your Kindle, Nook, iPad, iPhone, Blackberry, or Android device for just 99 cents! (Or something similarly affordable in your local currency!)

Amazon US - $0.99Apple US - $0.99
Amazon UK - £0.99Apple UK - £0.99
Amazon DE - EUR 0,99Apple CA - $0.99 US - $0.99

Definitely let me know if you end up learning Turkish though—we'd love to have you on the book tour. Voldemort claims to speak the language, but for some reason I just don't trust that dude.